All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked, “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?” [...]
On a flight with EasyJet back in 1997 the pilot made what can only be describes as an extremely heavy landing at Luton. It was very early in the morning and a number of passenger around me looked quite alarmed as, apart from the noise, a number of overhead lockers dropped open and several items [...]
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. “Good lord!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!” Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers [...]
The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that they didn’t get along. After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, ” I don’t like Chinese. ” The F.O. replied, ” Ooooh, no like Chinese? [...]
No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed. Flights never leave from Gate [...]
From a Southwest Airlines employee: “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this aircraft…”
Tower: Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ? Pilot: Negativ, Sir. It’s only the same pilot.
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”
A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?” The clerk said, “Just a minute…” “Thank you,” the man said and hung up.
How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is done by the automatic pilot.
